MUSINGS OF THE WAILER; My First Market Experience ...

MUSINGS OF THE WAILER
My First Market Experience ...

"Madam how much for rice?" I asked in my usual style-pretentiously indifferent as to the price of the item to be bought. After all, I usually had no scruples in footing my bills.
"Paint rubber na 1500. The small rubber na 1000 Oga" She replied with a smile to cushion whatever second thoughts the price could inject in my brain. It would have been better she didn't add "OGA" just at the end of the statement. These sellers sef. They have a way of making you do what you wouldn't want to do just by calling you names. No! I wasn't going to give in to her ruse. Never!
"Madam, forget Oga eee. Oga for where? Buhari don change everything o. Pocket don change. How much you dey sell am for last price? You no sell rubber for 700?" I closed one eye and brought out a tongue to show her I was bluffing. Deep down I was too serious to be joking. Wait o. Come to think of it. So rice is 1000 naira? She must be kidding. I now put up a serious face.
"Haaa Bros I even try for you o. You no go see rice for 950 for anywhere o. Things don change" She added with a tinge of exaggeration, I thought.
"Madam, you be google Map? The other Madam don first tell me 850 I no even buy sef and you dey tell me 1000" I tipped a lie out there. That was my Mama's usual style. She usually employed it to rat out lying sellers who bloated prices into kings'ransoms.
"How much you dey sell tomatoes and pepper?" I asked in sharp diversion from the object of my 'shopping'-rice. I wanted to know if the hike was of catholic application to other items and condiments.
"This one na 500. Small Cup of pepper na 200" she explained, first pointing to a collection of Some six pieces of tomatoes and then to a cup of used tomato paste which could barely endure 3 inches. I was not only transfixed in the moment, I was mortified. Something told me to leave that shop but then, she was the only seller with a perfect collection of all condiments to grace a typical hostel delicacy. Perhaps, the other sellers could not even afford to buy the goods let alone sell them exorbitantly. Rumours had it that this particular seller was characteristically fond of students as a seller. She was benevolent; she could swag out some pittance from her fixed prices for example, from 1000 naira to 980 naira. She soon observed that I was already overwhelmingly miffed by the hike of prices. She smiled and soon delegated her daughter to attend to me. Oh my God! Who send this woman? I no tell her say I dey find babe at all. Which kind plan work be this gon? I remonstrated in my mind. The daughter registered her presence, prestissimo. Without mincing words she greeted with the 'Bros' attached as another misleading suffix-same effect as Her mum's 'Oga'.

"Should I bring the rice for 1000?" she asked stylishly  telling me she had been listening to the conversation. Now that she is speaking English, she really wanted to respect the 'Bros' in me; the very kind of respect I didn't want at this material time.  I said nothing. I just nodded in affirmation and she made on bones in wrapping the rice for me. And then came the shocker!
"Bros, what about the tomatoes and pepper? I'm sure you need them to cook too na Bros. Should I bring them?" for Her mind she be like "Fine boy no fit fall my hand". Seriously, I swagged up to ordinary market, how could I have made such mistake?
Begrudgingly, I ended up buying Rice, tomatoes, pepper, onions and Maggi cubes and other condiments with 2,170 naira.
The funniest part of the ordeal was when she told me she had no change of 30 naira to give me in return, having given Her 2,200 naira. Lol. My friend would say "Osheey". See this girl. I wouldn't mind wait for her to spew out the change from her stomach. She thinks I'm Buhari's prodigy? After searching perfunctorily for my change, "Bros, I will owe you 10 naira. I don't have change. I only have 20 naira upwards here" she said pointing 20 naira towards me.

"I have 10 naira. Let me give you 10 naira while you give me 20 naira" I responded with the sharp guy mode which had already been activated since she started extorting me in the guise of modest buy-and-sell bargain. As I thought, she understood the mathematics. She stretched forth another 20 naira with a smirk while I collected my change with a smile and left.
As I returned to the precincts of my hostel, I was surprisingly sweating. I didn't run, I didn't play football, I didn't write an exam. But then I comforted myself with an assuring erotema: If magical disappearance of your money does not cause sweat, what other happenings can? The grocer who nosed her fruits at the mouth of the hostel lost the power of her Charm this time. I would ordinarily be invited to relieve her tension by buying oranges or apples but this day, I didn't even notice them. I only saw the transparent rubber on top of her goods where she kept monies accrued from sale. As an indication that she had noticed my familiar response to her goods from which she benefited, she launched a warm 'Good afternoon Brother' at me when she noticed I had almost scurried past the space where she haberdashed. I just replied her and trudged along.

My anger was a cacophonous mixture of thoughts. Was I cheated or that's just how things are currently? I  got to my room to find out that I wasn't cheated a bit. I only met with the realities of current Nigeria. I  really trusted the power of 3,000 naira until I visited June 12 Market for the first time. It is not to say I didn't or don't have the money, it was surprising the way things skyrocketed.

Fateful it was on that day when I happened on a friend in the hostel. What I saw was fulsome. How could someone be taking pap AKA 'Akamu' about 2:00pm? Hot sun, hot pap inside one hot room and he was sweating and panting like an antelope who escaped the lion by the skin of the teeth. 'My brother, Na the way o' he would retort. He must be laughing reading this now. Another funny brother was busy dwelling on soaked garri at 11:45pm; almost midnight, woke up by morning and only to eat doughnut with beans. You would wonder if there was ever a conventional set of meals because the combinations over here are just unimaginable.

It used to be the normal practice to visit a friend who would coincidentally be cooking rice and making stew. When you took a flip look at the stew, you would find pieces of fish and or meat in safe corners waiting to be plunged. I noticed things changed. Whenever this friend cooked, I noticed he would have only eggs in his stew or soup. Lol. He usually told me eggs were more proteinous and easily chewable plus they save time. I didn't dispute. All of a sudden, I chanced on this friend cutting his eggs into halves all over his stew. "My guy, why you dey cut eggs full your stew na?" I asked. "Niggur, I go dey eat them Small small before e finish o. Na the way oo' he lectured. Wow! So eggs can be saved in that manner? I never knew. This Guy could transmute two eggs into six all in one pot of stew.

I have a friend who stays off campus, BDPA precisely. He used to be the crooner but now he is worthy of mention. After a dispassionate consideration, he sold off his generator for a paltry sum.  I was surprised as I didn't know why he stopped being way up and blessed. He used to identify so much with Big Sean's revelation of blessings.  Things changed all of a sudden. People changed. More importantly, routines changed. For instance, a friend of mine now has a budget. He would diligently pen down his spendings for the day and keep it in his wallet. His mornings were usually hilarious. It read thus: Breakfast=100 naira. (Beans and Bread)  No more!. After buying that, he would fetch himself water from the dingy hostel tanks, down the hatch! All to make sure he never exceeded his budget for the morning.

I stopped being shocked for obvious reasons. Things changed, so did the Government. I will not say the current administration is good or bad. I'm totally indifferent as to who had assumed the rein of powers;  helm of affairs. All I know is that very many happenstances are not just what it used to be.  My friend sold generator since he could no longer buy fuel. The other took to eggs since he could no longer eke out his living on expensive fish and meat. When eggs got more expensive, he decided to start cutting them in halves; saving for rainy days. The Buhari's Government has to a large extent brought hardship to the ordinary man. But me no buts, the current realities are on the high side. Even the die-hard fans of Buhari share in this agony. It is our hope that things will change for the better even when there aren't apparent pointers to this as of now. Everything seems to be in shambles. Virtually every item of necessity hiccupped in price,even common sense.

At this point I adopt the saying of a sage fellow, "There is no need to lament; all lamentations have been done in the Bible".

I'm not for Buhari or against him. I will not ascribe blame to any Government. This write-up is only a pained expression of the inadequacies of the common man. But then, one thing remains the truth and will always be: any government that fails to alleviate the sufferings of its people has failed in all capacities. I am a legal watchman and I'm simply talking turkey!

By

MR. POSSIBLE

www.legalwatchmen.wordpress.com

Making a difference; one word at a time.