Klint's

Two days ago, my mother left the house before 6:00 AM for the NNPC Mega Filling Station in search of a more affordable fuel for her car especially given that the exorbitant rate at which the products is sold for in other stations. Well, she spent the whole day waiting and it was a no show as they were not selling. She left her car there and used an alternative means of transportation to come back home. Very early yesterday morning too, my Father went to continue from where my mother left and once again, he was not able to purchase fuel, only that this time around, he decided against leaving the car behind. Two days ago as well, I used Eight Hundred Naira to buy four litres of fuel. Yesterday, I spent a thousand Naira to buy the same four litres of fuel. Two years ago, I campaigned vigorously for the incumbent President Buhari because I was fed up with former President Goodluck Jonathan's administration which was renowned for it's tolerance for corruption as well as clueles

Mercy was the name of the one and only girl that broke my heart in secondary school. Although her name was Mercy but the way she smashed my heart back then was so merciless that it changed me forever. It's funny how one girl could cause the heartbreak of several chics just because she dumped my ass. Well, as I motioned towards the door, many thoughts juggled through my head but as a sharp guy with a lot of experience in these kind of things, I knew all I had to do was keep my composure. I opened the door and felt relieved when I saw that it was Kelvin (someone I wouldn't call a friend but rather one of those guys that lived nearby). Me: Kelvin hafa na Kelvin: baba no vex o, I just wan charge fone for your room...our light get issue Me: na wa o, that's why you wan break my door...abeg you go just drop am with me cos my chic dey inside Kelvin: okay you too much baba, I go come carry am later. On Sunday morning, I kissed Naomi goodbye as she left for the park. She wan

One of the biggest, yet strangest puzzles in Nigeria's nascent democracy is how the numerous State Houses of Assembly have contrived to remain almost beggarly subservient to the State Governors. This is rather shocking because as the Legislative Arm of the States, the House of Assembly in the exercise of their constitutionally guaranteed powers are potentially powerful and capable of holding the Governors accountable but somehow, we've come to see the Houses of Assembly as less than toothless bulldogs. The Independence and powers of the State Houses of Assembly are so explicitly affirmed in the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria as amended. Hence, Section 90 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria clearly states that: "There shall be a House of Assembly for each of the States of the Federation". Similarly,  Section, 92(1) of the Constitution equally provides that "There shall be a Speaker and a Deputy Speaker of a House o

I had heard some diabolic tales of the Ishan people especially of their girls but now I was at the receiving end of Ese's threat just because I refused to overlook her conspicuous frontals the first time we met which made me collect her number. Well the story of Ese is one for another day. So I switched off my phone and lied to Naomi that it was one of those network calls. On Saturday morning after the decent bonking of the previous night, I put on my phone and saw a text from Ese stating how much she missed me & wanted to link up one last time. I was pissed at myself for not completely cutting ties with Ese. The thing is after we finally broke up, we still had occasional one night stands even when I was dating Naomi (by now you should have figured I cheated a lot on poor Naomi) because it was like she had that kind of inexplicable hold on me. I was going to ignore the text but knowing the kind of chic that Ese is (she'll literally go berserk & show up at my door)

The 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria as amended invited Section 182(1)(b) clearly affirms that no person shall be qualified for election to the office of Governor of a State if (b) he has been elected to such office at any two previous elections... Now, this restriction appears fair enough especially given that the United States of America, a country we so desperately seek to be like at least on a surface level is widely flexible as regards the number of terms that Governors are entitled to. For instance, The Governors of states like New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New York, North Dakota, Texas, Utah, Washington, Wisconsin, District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico are allowed unlimited terms in office. So, with Nigeria's proclivity for copying, albeit embarrassingly poorly, everything that the United States of America does, it is rather strange and of course a pleasant surprise that the drafters of the 1999 C

I answered saying: "Nah it's not you baby, it's just the exams that really stressed me" Naomi with an alluring smile replied: "Come over here boo, I know what you need to feel better". Naomi that said "come over here..." didn't even let me come before she dragged me to herself & started making out. Not too long after, I had taken off her bum short & top so she was left with just the usual pant & bra. From her reactions I could tell that my foreplay game was still on point (the last girl I cheated on Naomi with complained about foreplay that I was just rushing for 'knaks'). I was about moving to the main shii when suddenly, my phone rang loudly (damn I forgot to put it on silent) but I ignored it. It kept on ringing so Naomi insisted I pick it. I was about to when i saw that it was the one number that I wished I never collected in the first place. It was my ex girlfriend, Ese the Ishan chic that made me rethink my endless

...If there's one thing I've learnt from my numerous encounters with women, it'll be that you really don't need to lie when you don't have to because there'll always be a lot of times when you will actually need that lie. So I simply answered saying, "One girl like that on my bbm from about 3 years ago". Naomi being the oversabi chic that she is, probed further (only her doinz in the 'oza room' make me ignore her annoying overzealousness in wanting to know everything) "So Michael how come I haven't met her if you've known her for that long" I replied "Baby that's because we lost contact and haven't spoken since 3yrs ago, that's what I meant from what I said earlier". She certainly isn't the smartest but she makes up for that with other skills that she's got (if you know, you know). At least she seemed satisfied with my reply so I guess that settled that because I wasn't really intereste

With my head resting on her bogus frontals, I really was deep in thought. I tried hard to remember her name: not the name of the present chick; of course this one's name is Naomi but the name of some chic that I had met on bbm about 3 years ago (I eventually deleted her after 6 months). She was sort of skinny or at least that's what I could figure from her pictures. Sonia was her name and I couldn't quite believe how someone I hadn't even met claimed to have such deep feelings for me after just 3 days of talking. It was barely a week after we started chatting and she wanted us to meet which I readily accepted. The D day came and some random lecturer had me pissed after he fixed a test for the next day. Now, I normally wouldn't have bothered but I had missed the previous test and I had not even opened the book yet so I cancelled meeting Sonia so that I could at least try to catch up. I know with this, you would feel we met later that week but shit happens becau

“Ronke!!!” he screamed with all his might, the room vibrating to the thundering of his voice. His hands were sweaty and juddering, with his chest making fast-paced rhythmic movements as if dancing to a tone. Was he going to strangle her, or should he just send her packing? – Vile thoughts crept into his mind. Ronke, still petrified on the bed had beads of sweat trickling down her neck and was naked save for the bed sheet she pulled over her chest which still gave a perfect view of her underlying cleavage. Her hair was ruffled as though she had been in a fight and her lips were quivering in obvious fear. “Dabor, am so sorry”, she whimpered, hot tears streaming down her face. Her lover, their gate man had long stolen his way through and out of the house. That was obviously his last day on the job. Having an obvious look of disappointment on his face, Dabor walked out of the room into the sitting room and turned on the television.  He wanted to engross himself in his favourite soap ope

Strangely, I have exercised restraint in writing about the 2017 Anambra Gubernatorial election. This is attributed to a number of factors: first, I am not from Anambra (at best, I am but a passerby) and generally because my relationship with Anambra state has been most abusive. For starters, I will give a brief account of my most painful experiences with the state that is described as the Light of the Nation. Way back in 2012 while I was going to write my Post UTME at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife and accompanied by my father, we fell victims to the touts at the dreaded Upper Iweka. It was a particularly painful experience and we ended up spending two days on the road. That experience scarred me and it made me hate Anambra state and Onitsha in particular. The other experience I had that further reinforced my disinterest in the State took place in 2015 as I was travelling home for Christmas and I fell victim again to the hoodlums at upper Iweka. This time, I actually came

It was your first day in your new school: one that you had dreamed of since childhood but was deprived of the opportunity to attend earlier because of a rather strange Federal Government policy. It was senior High School, the one they referred to as Senior Secondary School back in Nigeria and aside coming to dominate the academic circle in this school of your dreams, you really wanted to have a taste of love. In your previous school, you had seen close friends “fall in love” and “enjoy” their relationships and you wanted to have this feeling…It was not like you didn’t “fall in love” back then but the problem was that it didn’t take you more than a week to “fall out of love” with them girls. Perhaps, that was why you “fell in love” with virtually every girl in your class; Nnenna, Jennifer, Nkiruka, Jessica, Oluomachi, Chinecherem, Chidimma, Chinenye, Oluchi, Chioma and so on. In fact, you resolved to “fall in love” by any means possible in this your new school and it appeared as th

The ship of life sets on sail, Commemorated by the piercing cry of a babe – Larinka, her name: Young, promising and void of flaws, Except for that default aura – the Adamic nature it was called. Innocent as the word gets, voices try to shape her choices; A lawyer you will be! Oh no! A doctor you should be! Still malleable, Larinka giggles in excitement, As if mocking the hypocrisy of what they called parental guidance. She grows, having inscriptions and engravings Etched on the very fabric of her existence, Her environment and experiences being dutiful craftsmen of the trade. Ignorant of circumstantial reality, And oblivious of evidential frailty, Larinka dared to dream. Oh yes! A dream, so similar to that of Martin Luther King. Barely halfway into her virtual reality, Life started dealing its cruel and fatal blows: Father – an infidel, Mother – a chronic adulteress, Family – at the brink of collapse, Neighbours – certified rapists, and oh yes she has had a taste.

I wasn't always like this... Or maybe, I think I wasn't always like this. My earliest memories portray me as someone who was not like me; someone who was more caring and more interested in people. But then again, maybe, I'm making up those memories. Maybe, I have always been strict, unconcerned, and uninterested in people. I think I used to enjoy conversations with people or maybe, I have always been a loner. Maybe, the times I "enjoyed" being with people and having conversations with them, I was faking it. I think I've changed! Or maybe, I was always like this. Yesterday, she called me and gave me the longest lecture since my Law of Trusts lecturerer's last class of last semester. She talked about how I didn't care about anyone again and how stiff my heart had become towards people. But I don't think that's true. I think I'm only looking out for myself and those I care about. And sometimes, I have thought to be Mother Teresa a

I always looked at my mother in awe and deep admiration. Perhaps it was because of her dogged stride in bringing up two children singlehandedly, or maybe it was her inexplicable love for an unseen being she called God. “Wale!” she yelled, which was her usual way of calling my attention. I snapped out of my thought, but still acted as though I didn’t hear her. “Adewale!” she cried again, this time with much more power in her voice. I knew a third call will signify my temporary voyage from mother earth. “Yes mama!” I screamed back as I ran towards her in the kitchen. “Na only me get children for this area?” she rhetorically asked, “or you want to kill me before my time?” she continued. Experience had taught me not to look her in the eye, or even respond when she asked such questions. I bowed my head, and acted as though I was sorry. It seemed to be working, when an unexpected giggle found its way out of my mouth. The next thing I heard was “koi”, a hard knock had landed on my head sha

In my Constitutional Law classes back then, perhaps, the most notorious example of the failure of Institutions in Nigeria was Abdulrasheed Maina who was then the Chairman of the Presidential Task Force on Pension Reforms. With regard to what might have been said in other news outlets, Maina was accused of embezzling pension funds and for that period in our National discourse, he was the most vilified public officer. The Senate in exercise of their oversight functions guaranteed in Section 88 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria as amended invited him to investigate the allegations against him but as if to rub salt in the injury he had done to Nigerians through his ignoble ways, he flagrantly ignored the invitations of the Senate by giving such flimsy excuses as ill health (which of course is the go to excuse of Nigerian thieving elites when the law appears to be catching up with them) and a busy schedule. Things got to a head when the Senate issued an arrest

Today is 1st October, 2017 and it officially marks Nigeria's 57th Independence Anniversary. Indeed, as I lie on my bed and type this article on my phone, I'm bored and tired of writing anything good about Nigeria because it's all lies and all liars go to hell. 57 years of Independence and the story of Nigeria is perhaps the saddest narrative of what a Country should not be. To see Nigeria's lowly position in the comity of Nations even with her breathtaking and enormous potentials in terms of Natural resources evokes emotions of tears. After 57 years of Independence, the only thing that reminds us that there can actually be a time when there would be uninterrupted power supply is the generators. After 57 years of independence youth unemployment is rampant; the health sector is below substandard, education is paid lip service to by the bums and scums in office, the economy is in a terrible shape, foreign exchange rate is disturbing, there are separatist calls by the

One of the most important and contemporary legislations initiated by the current Nigerian National Assembly is the "Not too young to run" bill which essentially seeks to reduce the age qualification for elective offices in Nigeria and consequently give young persons a greater opportunity to seek elective positions. The bill is quite commendable and in tune with the realities, expectations and yearnings of the time. Clearly, this bill seeks to amend the following sections of the extant 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria: Section 131(b) which provides that the anyone who wishes to be President of Nigeria should be at least 40 years old. Section 177(b) which stipulates 35 years as the age that qualifies one to contest for the position of Governor. Section 65(1)(a)  which has 30 years as the age limit that anyone who wishes to be a member of the National Assembly must reach. Section 166(b) which also has 30 years as the qualifying age for anyone who wishes

Prior to now, I would take pride in the fact that I speak my mind regardless of the consequences and opinions of whoever that is at the receiving end.  I detested Political correctness and conformism: in fact, in my hierarchy of sins, political correctness was at the forefront.  However, I have been in some sort of a dilemma in the recent past: I know what to say but what I want to say is by no means agreeable to the people around me and for the first time, I'm afraid of saying what I want to say because of the accompanying backlash.  Let's cut the chase, I'm talking about Egwu Eke, which literally means the Python Dance. For those who are not in the know, Operation Egwu Eke is the code name for the military action embarked upon by the Nigerian Army to decisively put an end to the menace and nuisance occasioned by the Indigenous People of Biafra in the SouthEast region of Nigeria.  The activities of the Nigerian Army in the South East, and particularly Abia State, the

It's gradually getting to 100 days since President Muhammadu Buhari left Nigeria for the United Kingdom on a much vilified Medical Tourism (The President has since become a tourist attraction for a select few of Nigeria's powerful). Frankly, this trip is wrong on many fronts: we can't wish away the shame of having to deal with the harsh reality that the President of the largest Black State on Earth and the self acclaimed Giant of Africa has to travel over 6 hours to London for the purpose of receiving medical attention. The very rational deduction to make from such trip is that as big as the Nigerian economy is and with all the money that Nigeria has earned from oil in the past 40 years, Nigeria still does not have a world class Hospital to meet the health needs of common citizens nay the President. Now, this is disappointing but that is not the bone of contention: as a young Nigerian, the Country disappoints me everyday. In the light of this absence from duty by the Pr